The most powerful female and male relationships—sister and brother, mother and son, wife and husband—are, at their core, founded and sustained by empowering one another.
The saying usually goes: Behind every great man is a great woman, or vice versa. That’s just not how it goes. Partnerships are about being beside one another, not behind.
On International Women’s Day, in association with UN Women, Esquire Middle East is spotlighting relationships—familial, marital, or otherwise—that are based on mutual support, allowing women in leadership positions to thrive and achieve a more equal future.
Raya Abirached needs little introduction in the Middle East. For many Arabs, Raya has been one of the primary inspirations and role models for the majority of their lives, as a TV presenter, television personality, producer and host of shows such as Arabs Got Talent, always making an outsized impression even when sitting opposite the world’s biggest stars.
The Lebanese personality’s partner in life is Italian sports journalist Valerio Cammarano, a writer and commentator who works remotely from London with his wife, relocating after they got married.
The two have a successful marriage and a charming young daughter, Lola, who is herself currently managing the pitfalls of Zoom-heavy remote preschool.
Read our full conversation with the duo below:
The most fulfilling relationships are built on mutual support. It’s not ‘behind every great man or woman there is a great partner’, it’s beside. So what does mutual support mean to you?
Raya: Ever since I started being in a healthy, beautiful relationship with Valerio, I felt it gave my professional life wings because of the kind of support that he gives me on a day-to-day basis.
As you said, he’s not ‘behind’ at all, everything he does makes me feel comfortable, and which helps me succeed in my professional life. I hope that in return that I go out of my way to support him when he needs the support.
Valerio: I know that she’s always behind me, beside me, above me. Wherever I need her to be, she is there for me.
How would you describe the dynamic between you two?
Valerio: Raya is relentless. She never stops. She can get anxious sometimes, but only sometimes. She knows how to manage her time, she knows how to manage her life.
Raya: And manage your life! [laughs]
Valerio: …and manage my life, manage everything.
Valerio, what kind of support does Raya need?
Valerio: She needs someone who is comfortable behind the scenes. But also [turns to Raya]… I don’t know, how do I help you?
“In the type of high-profile career that I lead, I need someone to keep me grounded.”
Raya: He’s always had this quiet confidence where he admires what I do but doesn’t aspire to do it in any way. He’s very much at ease with who he is, and he would hate to do the same thing. That dynamic works very well. In the type of high-profile career that I lead, I need someone to keep me grounded.
Valerio: She is my wife and I admire her. I know she’s very good at what she does. She’s very successful. When I first met her, she was just Raya to me. Then I realized that she was famous on this side of the world. I wasn’t starstruck.
Raya: Thank God for that! Why would you be?
I’m sure that’s something that you probably reveled in…
Raya: Yeah, I did. We don’t live in the Middle East, so it’s only really when I travel that I am famous, you see what I mean? For example, we’ve been in Dubai for the past a month, and it’s been a month of the day-to-day life of being a TV presenter, public figure, all these things, but normally it’s not really part of our lives.
And I’m very grateful that’s been the case, because I don’t think I could handle it full time. I don’t think I would enjoy having to play the game of being a public figure every day of my life. It’s exhausting. That’s not the kind of person I am.
How have you two grown together? Was the dynamic different at the beginning of your relationship?
Valerio: I wouldn’t say it was very different.
Raya: That’s true.
Valerio: I’d only been in one previous long relationship, and Raya is the only woman I’ve ever lived with so I had to learn how. I had to learn how to share space, how to share my time, how to share my life… with her phone! These may sound like stupid things, but there are a lot of things in a relationship you have to pick up. I had never shared my life with someone, and now we share the life of a little one together.
How did having your daughter Lola evolve the relationship?
Raya: Parenthood was another level of our relationship. They can be very testing times – for anyone. The added responsibly is a lot, but it brings your relationship to another level.
Raya, what did you have to learn about yourself in the relationship?
Raya: As he said, I’m relentless. My self-proclaimed nickname is Woody Woodpecker for a reason! Being with someone that is quieter than me is very good for me, because it calms me down. He is a very calming, soothing presence in my life. And this is the kind of thing that I’ve had to learn in the relationship–how to simmer down a little bit. And, you know, as he says, I had to learn to consider the other person.
“For sure that if you are with someone that is more famous or successful, and you’re a man, yes, it’s still regarded as something that men feel threatened by. It’s not for me, I was not raised like that.”
Valerio is also my complete stress buster. If I’m nervous or anything, he’s the first victim, sadly, but also because he’s the closest person to me. He constantly has to remind me that this type of behavior is not acceptable. And he’s right. So, you know, he teaches me how to reconsider and have more hindsight. I’m not too sure I’m very good at it, but at least I am aware of it!
There still remains a toxic mentality in some men who struggle to be with someone who is so strong, who is so looked up to, and who has such a big public profile.
Valerio: Where I grew up in Italy, for sure, that mentality is still there. Men are supposed to be the breadwinner and women are supposed to stand behind. It’s still there. For sure that if you are with someone that is more famous or successful, and you’re a man, yes, it’s still regarded as something that men feel threatened by. It’s not for me, I was not raised like that.
Raya: You had strong, strong women in your life.
Valerio: My mother.
Raya: Strong is an understatement. He was raised primarily by her.
Valerio: I always had a very strong female influence in my life.
How important has that been to you, Raya?
Raya: I never ever felt any type of negative sentiment from him about that. And that’s his strength. It’s his quiet confidence that I talked about, that he’s comfortable enough with himself to let me be who I am.
I think this is the secret to the success of this type of relationship. It’s really the fact that I have never, in the 13 years that we’ve been together, felt that what I did was any threat to him. And that’s amazing to me.
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