I wish I could write a parable. Or maybe just an adage. I could write that one where I never know what the hell it means. Well, I guess if I thought about it — I mean, I have thought about it, of course, and figured it out. But it eludes me the first time I hear it. Every time. It’s not logical. At first, I mean.
There’s luxury in being near home. When you spend a lot of time, like I do, just standing around and waiting, or being moved from place to place, every minute gets consumed by something someone else has set up for you.
I’ve stood around toilets wearing half a million dollars’ worth of jewelry, up to my knees in the rot, thinking how much more or less the place smelled like a sewer than it did the day before. And that is not what you’d call a problem exactly; it just wears you out. What I want to do right now is sleep late, read the paper. I’ve come to see that there’s something pretty great about having two hours to read.
I gotta hustle. I’m a twenty-eight-year-old woman in the movie business, right. Pretty soon the roles you’re offered all become mothers. Then they just sort of stop. I have to hedge against that with work — theatre, producing, this thing with Esquire.
Goats are pretty sketchy. You have to watch out. Pigs are actually okay. Horses and cows — all good. Chickens scare me, I don’t like them. I had heard the term ‘pecking order, but I had no idea what it really meant until I got to see a large group of chickens in a coop. That is some ugly business.
I don’t really aspire to being rational. I’m more attracted to the irrational. There’s no such thing as total rationality. That’s something I’ve realised lately.
I think it’s okay to be jealous, which people think is irrational. To let yourself care that much that the emotion might hurt you a little. I’d rather be with someone who’s a little jealous than someone who’s never jealous. There’s something a little dead fish about them. A little bit depressing. It may not make sense, but you need to feel it a little.
I didn’t think I was a jealous person, until I started dating my current, my one-and-only. I think maybe in the past I didn’t have the same kind of investment. Not that I liked my partner less, I just wasn’t capable of it or caring that much.
