From socks to sunglasses, every garment produced by Tom Ford has been crafted with the intention of galvanizing the person who wears it. No one’s ever said, “Ah, darn, need to run out and get some milk, let me just put on my Tom Ford (insert garment) real quick.” Yeah, that sentence has never been uttered. And why should it? Any opportunity to wear anything by Tom Ford is an occasion, one that requires planning and respect, one that will make passerby’s turn their head and say, “Ah, I saw that in a window display…,” before woefully adding, “but I can’t afford it.”
But unlike the rest of the body, sunglasses are perhaps the most versatile. So what does each pair say about the person who wears it?
Icon
Icon? That’s just a name they gave me at the rich-guy-pocket-square-racquetball-club in Holmby Hills. I guess I’m a bit of an icon, considering that I do have Pharrell on speed dial…well, technically he has me on speed dial. I don’t even have his number saved. I keep forgetting. What does he do again? Tennis player, right?
Fausto
Yeah, I’m in a band. My girlfriend actually did the cover art for our latest EP. It’s not available on Spotify though, it’s only on vinyl. You don’t have an LP player? Bummer. Guess you can’t hear us play. PS. my beard oil costs more than your rent.
Achilles
If you wear sunglasses like these, you’re hinting at the possibility that you have several businesses somewhere in the Cayman islands. You also own a cigarette boat off the coast of Miami. You have a pair of white alligator shoes. You own a luxury ski set but you’ve never seen snow in your life. But do you like Frank Sinatra? Well, if you count the fact that he was best friends with your dad and was always over at the house when you were a baby, then sure. And as for an Achilles’ heel? Pssht. Never heard of it.
Axel
Which axel are we talking? The lead singer of Guns ‘n Roses, or the axle on my new convertible? Whatever. Doesn’t matter. And if you have a problem with anything, come complain to me in first class, where I’m having a laugh with the pilot. Champagne tastes better at 30,000 feet. See ya never.
Zappa
If I’m not wearing Tom Ford, I’m wearing John Varvatos. I actually have one of Zappa’s guitars hanging above my bed with leopard sheets. Sometimes I’ll take it down when I’m watching re-runs of Miami Vice. A lot of people actually tell me I look like Don Johnson. Yesterday, I didn’t have any cash to tip the bellboy at The Ritz, so I gave him my cufflinks and the private number to my broker. If he can’t see the value in that, too bad. His loss.
Find the entire Tom Ford eyewear collection here.
