Look, I totally appreciate how ridiculous it is to lust after a pair of football boots when you no longer play football. Yet still, this week’s launch of the retro-inspired adidas Predator boots has ignited something inside of me.
Let’s be honest, there’s every chance that this is a mid-life crisis kicking in. But if it is, it’s one that is being keenly felt by almost all of my football-loving friends, too.
Sidestepping the thornier issues for a moment, there’s just so much to love about this boot—seemingly a mix between the 1998 and 2002 iterations. The classic colourway, the widened three stripes, the foldover tongue, it’s just beautiful. At one stage I somehow found myself on the adidas website—presumably in a state of higher consciousness—hovering dangerously over the ‘add to cart’ button. Then I think I may have blacked out, as there’s no other plausible reason I wouldn’t have made a purchase at that stage (bouts of common sense notwithstanding).
The story of the adidas Predator boots is pretty well known in football circles. Liverpool striker Craig Johnston, having retired early to provide his sister with round-the-clock medical care in 1988, came up with the concept for a football boot featuring rubber patches that would aid ball control, swerve and power. It was passed around all the major manufacturers, none of whom fancied it, until Johnston persuaded German legends Franz Beckanbauer and Karl-Heinz Rummenigge to wear them having a kick-about in the snow. After seeing a video of the wintery workout, adidas promptly snapped up the rights and here we are—40 years and 20 iterations of the Predator later.
My own introduction to the boot was less legend-based and more centred around a bloke called Gary. Thanks to the OG 1994 Predator’s prominent rubber fins, Gary suddenly thought that he could bend the ball around corners, and thwack in shots from 25 yards or more. He couldn’t, of course, Gary was rubbish. But that still didn’t stop me from lusting after a pair of those magical boots. I remember once reading about a woman who was apparently in love with 25 chandeliers. That always felt a bit much…and strangely specific. But I suppose the heart wants what the heart wants, and from around 1994 onwards, mine yearned for a pair of adidas Predator football boots, and all the versions that followed—at least until around 2006.
Who am I kidding? I wanted them all.
“A retro-inspired football boot is likely to trigger deeply-held feelings of nostalgia, and furthermore activate associations between positive, early-life memories of kicking a ball around and the carefree and untethered nature of childhood,” explains psychologist and author of Tiny Traumas, Dr Meg Arroll. “There’s a reason why retro products and remakes of films are so popular. This is a safe form of escapism, unless of course the desire and preoccupation with a product causes financial and relational difficulties.”
The Predator represented more than just playing, of course. It was acceptance, it was envy, it was respect, it was cool-points. In all honesty, the stuff from the original advert: “More Control, More Swerve, More Power” I’m not sure I ever felt any of that when I wore my editions (1996, ’98, 2000, ’02, and a random comeback in 2014, if you’re wondering), but they certainly made me feel more confident. This wasn’t the first time a pair of football boots had done this. I once had some Umbro Speciali that felt like wearing slippers. As a result I would amble around the pitch feeling like I had unrivalled ball control, vision, and a passing range that would have impressed a peak Zinedine Zidane. If I could have found a way to wear them in my day-to-day life I’m fairly certain I would have been at least 25 percent more successful.
If this is indeed a midlife crisis then I think I’m getting off fairly lightly. A few years ago, the vitamin and supplement supplier Healthspan found the average cost of a crisis purchase to be around the $3,600 mark, so $290 for some footy boots is a drop in the ocean when it comes to a feel-good hit. I also have some mitigating circumstance options. See which you prefer.
OK, firstly, what if I classify them as art? People buy art, they hang it on a wall and periodically look at it. I could build a display case and do likewise. Occasionally I could even wear them around the house—wearable art’s a thing, right? If not art, then how do you feel about fitness? Perhaps this purchase will tempt me out of retirement for one last hurrah, resulting in a much-needed physical boost—at least until my knee blows up again. Full disclosure: I bought an iconic adidas Tango football a while ago for much the same reasons. It is yet to see grass.
According to Arroll, however, there could be more health benefits to this type of purchase than meets the eye. “Research shows that when nostalgic feelings are triggered, social bonds strengthen, positive self-regard increases, and there’s a boost in happiness,” she tells Esquire Middle East.
“Nostalgia can also protect us from future bouts of depression because we often find comfort in nostalgia, especially during challenging situations. These memories remind us of times when we felt safe and secure, which we know is a basic human need. So, I wouldn’t put your desire for the football boot down to a mid-life crisis as this explanation diminishes the positive aspects of nostalgia. Also, the concept of a mid-life crisis is based on rather out-dated research.”
So there you have it. An undeniable, scientific link between a 47-year-old, non-football-playing person buying the new adidas Predator football boots and positive mental health. I’ll be honest, it feels almost wrong not to buy them now. I’m going to go away and have a think about this, just to mull over the key points. In the meantime, somebody let me know when the 8.5s are back in stock, yeah?