The Stelvio Quadrifolio is high comedy.
It’s a mix of SUV and sedan with 505hp of hellfire and all-wheel drive. It’s like a duckling that imprinted on a human, the Stelvio is completely unaware of what it is. In its twinturbo- charged 2.9 litre V6 heart, this SUV believes that it’s a Giulia.
Of course, the driver is keenly aware from the standing-desk driving position and from the extra 530 pounds that the Stelvio is not a Giulia. But the Stelvio doesn’t care what you think; it just keeps chasing after its trunkbearing sibling, expecting to keep up. And it almost does.
All-wheel drive allows you to mat the accelerator sooner than in the reardrive Giulia when exiting a corner.
Sure, there is the occasional twitches back and forth as the all-wheel-drive system tries to figure out which end should get the torque, but the SUV’s level of suspension travel allows you to go deep into the curbing, and the optional carbon-ceramic brakes swallow triple-digit speeds.
The electrohydrailic brakes have a split-second delay before they give you what your foot asked for.
It’s an adrenal-gland pincher the first three times it happens; then you learn to plan around it.
This Alfa may have body style dysmorphic disorder, but driving it reminds us of the performance of a GT, it’s just that everything happens at SUV height.
See? It’s hilarious.
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