Drinking a freakshake is a lot like watching ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’. As any self-respecting man would know – it’s definitely not good for you and you’ll probably feel a little bit sick afterwards, but it’s still totally worth it for that pure, unadulterated, sinful enjoyment that you get in between.
Loading already dense milkshakes with just about everything aside from the kitchen sink, the freakshake trend was first started by the Australian café, Pâtissez back in 2015. Since then, these monstrous milkshakes have become staples on the menus of any location keen to increase both their own Instagram following as well as the country’s number of type 2 diabetics. So if you did have plans on letting loose and really upsetting your personal trainer this weekend, we’ve found 6 places for you to get your freakshake fix.
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The Black Tap
Although burgers are their specialty, this New York-based outlet at the Jumeirah Al Naseem Hotel offers some of Dubai’s most Instagram worthy milkshake creations. If you upload a picture of one their shakes and don’t get at least 50 likes then you’re definitely doing something wrong. With options spanning from a ‘Cookies & Cream Supreme Shake’ to a ‘Sour Power’ black cherry shake, there’s bound to be at least one creation at The Black Tap that satisfies your sweet tooth. Just don’t complain to your dentist when that sweet tooth falls out.
Ella’s Creamery
Surrounded by the plastic brick haven of Legoland, Ella’s Creamery is the perfect place to re-capture your childhood. Except this time your childhood doesn’t involve a parent concerned about your health and well-being and you can go absolutely HAM on all the delicious ice-cream they have on offer. Designed in the style of a classic American 1950s ice-cream parlour, Crazy Shakes like the ‘Pink Cadillac’ and the ‘Stairway to Heaven’ add to Ella’s throwback appeal.
Fümé
One of the few eateries in Dubai to have both an umlaut and an acute accent in its name, Fümé (located at Pier 7 of the Dubai Marina) are serving some milkshakes that would make Victor Frankenstein’s eyes water. Keeping along with the Frankenstein theme they’ve even got one creation titled the ‘Bro-Nut Monstershake’ – a lethal combination of chocolate brownie, Nutella, and marshmallows.
Eat Greek Kouzina
Because nothing says Greek food like drinking a Nutella milkshake through a doughnut, right? Although the food on offer at this Jumeirah Beach favourite errs towards the more traditional side of Mediterranean, they do have a rather freakish shake on the menu known as ‘The Nutella Spartan’. As you can see from the above image it’s pretty much just a regular Nutella milkshake, with the Spartan element coming from the welcome addition of a Nutella filled doughnut. Which sounds, and looks, glorious. We’ll have 300, please.
The Sum of Us
Another cracking creation from Tom and Serg, The Sum Of Us defines itself as a “freakin’ massive gourmet food project” and we can’t really argue with that. Especially when taking into consideration the freakin’ massive freakshakes they have as special menu items. What makes these freakshakes so special is that they are only available at the weekend, with the seemingly endless rotation of flavour combinations that they come in changing on a regular basis. All that means for you is that you’ll simply have to go and get one every weekend to make sure you don’t miss on any potential favourites. Y’know, for research purposes.
Caffè Divino
Perfect for a healthy heaping of indulgence, we highly recommend getting yourself down to one of the various Caffè Divino outlets scattered throughout the city and having a crack at one of their Grand Milkshakes. With the only options available being either a ‘Nutella Mudslide’ or a ‘Lotus Bombshake’, this might end up being the most difficult 50/50 decision you’ve ever had to make. So why not just order both?
DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DO NOT ACTUALLY ORDER BOTH AND TRY TO DRINK THEM AS YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE.
