John McClane and Kevin McCallister know a thing or two about creatively foiling bad guys around the holidays. And if you prefer either Home Alone or Die Hard as the superior Christmas movie, you’re right. Both have been permanently engrained in the public psyche as generation defining cultural landmarks: the one-liners, the locations, the characters, and the ensuing Reddit-fan theories that continue to sprout like mushrooms over three decades after their release.
With Christmas approaching, I’ve compiled a pros/cons list of each film, and I’ll let the reader try to decide who remains the undisputed king of Christmas.
Die Hard (1988)
Pros:
- It’s an exhilarating action film done in a way only the ’80s could do it, and is surprisingly ‘fun for the whole family’. Point being that I would have a very hard time convincing my mom and sister to watch Predator (1987) around the fire (my younger brother would definitely not object), but they’ll probably say yes to Die Hard. It also laid the foundation for every ensuing action film that was to come in the following decade, as Speed (1994) was pitched to Hollywood executives as, “Die Hard on a bus.”
- Much like the Disney classics Sleeping Beauty (1959) and Pinocchio (1940), this film bears deeper themes often lost upon the average viewer. Yes, it’s an action film, but really it’s a story about a rejected father who, after much defiance, travels to a foreign city in hopes of regaining the trust and love of his wife and family. As a hard boiled NYC cop, McClane is noticeably emasculated over his wife’s high-earning new career, and much like the films previously mentioned, John McClane must battle the dragon/whale to rescue his wife and prove that he’s still worth a damn as husband, as a father, but mostly, as a man. After all, doesn’t every dude secretly wish he’d one day have to crawl over broken glass with his bare feet just to save his wife from bad guys?
- Perhaps the best bad guy ever in the immaculately dressed Hans Gruber, played by Alan Rickman.
- Has the lines, “Yipee-ki-yay-mother-f***er,” and, “Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.” *chefs kiss*
- Run-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis” plays within the first, like, ten minutes.
- Has arguably the most satisfying death of the most irritable character ever put to film, ‘Ellis’, rivaled only by Michael Sheen’s ‘Paul’ in Midnight in Paris (2011), although sadly Paul makes it out alive.
Cons:
- It’s a Christmas movie in Los Angeles, California. Now although that could be a ‘pro’ considering its novelty compared to guaranteed snowfall found in (nearly) every film in that category, this lack of snow and winter coats may “technically” remove it from that category.
- The closest we get to Santa Claus is a dead guy wearing a Santa Hat and the words ‘ho ho ho, now I have a machine gun,’ written in red marker on his chest.
- Very violent, even by today’s standards.
- A lot of bad words, and if you have anyone below the age of 10 in the household, one should probably abstain.
Home Alone (1990)
Pros:
- Technically, much more categorically ‘fun for the whole family,’ as there is no violence, no swearing, and nothing to upset anyone unless you suffer from arachnophobia.
- Unequivocally much more Christmas-y, as it takes place in Chicago where it snows like crazy, with accompanying Christmas tunes, a tree, all the necessary ingredients.
- Joe Pesci played a bad guy in a kids’ movie the same year he won an Oscar for playing Tommy in Good Fellas, showing the versatility of everyone’s favourite fast-talking Italian mafia man.
- Written by John Hughes, whose cinematic archive is truly unmatched, and who captured the innocent, existential, adolescent spirit of what it means to be aged 10-16 better than anyone ever has before or after. One can only imagine how Kevin McCallister would’ve faired as a 16 year old in The Breakfast Club (1984) – shame the order of films was reversed!
- Every 10 year old who first saw this film secretly wished their own family would abandon them for a week, just to see how they would handle it, thus sparking a lifelong quest for adventure and creativity.
- Has the line ‘Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals,’ which is up there with the most iconic quotes of all time, and is re-shared across social media every single year.
- 1 hour and 43 minutes of pure ‘feeling warm and fuzzy inside’, even at its most perilous moments.
Cons:
- Not a single fist fight in the whole movie.
- It’s the more generic and obvious choice when considering a more contemporary Christmas movie (It’s a Wonderful Life [1946] is the undisputed g.o.a.t., but may be viewed as ‘too old’ for younger audiences).
- Feels like you can only really watch it around the holidays, as putting it on mid-spring would feel odd; the same can’t be said for Die Hard.
- Although I don’t agree with this personally, it is technically a ‘kids movie’, which could result in a few yawns from the older, more pompous film geek around the home theatre.
Bottom line: they’re both awesome, and there is no real loser, but rather two, timeless winners.
Merry Christmas and yipee-ki-yay ya filthy animals.
