Ten years since he left SNL, Hader has left the impressions behind and finally become the creative he always wanted to be. And as his acclaimed hit HBO series Barry enters its final season on OSN+, he charts how he got there, as well as where he’s headed next
I was never interested in comedy. I was never even interested in acting. This may seem hard to believe, as that’s probably why you know me. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but all of that just kind of happened. I had other dreams—dreams I had given up on.
I worked as a production assistant for years, doing 18-hour days. I only took an improv comedy class because I needed something to get my mind off a bad break up. I was a fan of comedy, but I thought it would just be a short-term hobby.
Through massive luck, I ended up on Saturday Night Live—really quickly. I felt like I’d jumped from pre-school to Harvard University. I was able to do impressions—I had this natural ability that I didn’t even realize was there. I never even tried to imitate a celebrity until my audition.
I always wanted to be a filmmaker. That was the dream. It just didn’t feel like it was going to happen. I would try to make short films, but they never came out that great.
I had horrible anxiety when I was on SNL. It was really hard on my health and my body, that show. My mental health was a mess. And I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone, because it was all going so well.
This is where I got the idea for Barry, my HBO series. It’s about a hitman, preternaturally good at killing, but all he wants to do is become an actor. I started thinking, what if the thing you’re naturally good at is hurting you, but the thing you strive to do, the thing you love, you’re not that good at?
So much of getting to where I am today was learning how to deal with my insecurity. There’s a thing that happens when you try to follow your instincts and it doesn’t work—you start questioning your instincts. That can be so dangerous.
When you’re creating anything, you need confidence. It’s good to go back and say what didn’t work as objectively as you can, but it’s a slippery slope to lose faith in the thing completely. That almost happened with Barry.
My first meeting with HBO didn’t go how I expected. They’d read the pilot script for Barry, and it followed the same concept, but my idea of a hitman was a mishmash of hitman clichés—and they noticed before I did.
In that first draft, the hitman wore a suit and tie at all times, and he went to a hitman picnic. They all just hung out. Yes, it was as goofy as it sounds.
Casey Bloys, the CEO and Chairman of HBO, gave me very honest feedback. He said, ‘this acting class works great. The hitman thing—I don’t know what this is. This is very cartoonish.’
The imposter syndrome kicked in. I didn’t know how to take that. But then it clicked—he was right. I was basing my entire idea of what a hitman was off movies I’d seen. There wasn’t any reality to it.
I thought to myself, how can I make this feel real? And the idea came to me in the moment, the idea that ended up in the show. I said to Casey, ‘what if he was a marine?’ Casey jumped up. ‘See, there you go! That makes sense!” he exclaimed.
Make it grounded. Make your story something people can connect to. Come from a place of honesty. Learning that lesson myself was so helpful.
I knew I would write. The amazing thing is, when we made the show, as we kept moving, I got to direct. I got to actually do the thing that I love doing—that I’ve always wanted to do and it’s been better than anything I’ve ever experienced.
I get bored a lot. It’s how I am as a person, and that’s affect Barry in a lot of ways. You start to send a story down a normal path, but then my boredom kicks in, and I say, what if this funny thing happened, just to screw it all up? Then a lot of times I go too far, and I try to bring it back.
The writers have to watch me go through it, sometimes. I’ll go, this is really funny! Then they’ll say, wasn’t this scene about person feeling horrible loss? I’ll go, oh yeah, you’re right. I’m always trying to balance it out, and it can be an arcane process.
People always ask me about the surreal aspects of Barry, and some of that is about getting in a person’s head, but a lot is just me getting bored and coming up with weird stuff to entertain myself. Then I show it to everybody else, and they will like some of it, not like other parts, and we find a way to make it work. It’s all a weird combination of structure and intuition.
I feela style is emerging for myself as a director that I feel more confident in, especially now in season 4. It’s a style that I’m going to carry on in the future.
I figured out yesterday I haven’t had a vacation in 12 years, so the goal after the show ends is to sleep, and maybe go on a vacation, I probably need one. Then I’m going to write some scripts for movies, maybe create another TV show, and continue directing, just like I always dreamed I would.
Saying goodbye to these characters wasn’t the hard part—it was the people I work with, the crew, that work so hard, that don’t get to see their families, all so we can make this thing together.
On the last day, we were up on Big Bear Mountain in Washington State, shooting in the cold, in the rain. It was awful, but everyone was out there laughing and having a great time. To have all these professionals working so hard on your thing made me feel really indebted to them.
I gave a big speech thanking them, and I started crying. Everyone was like, oh no. The boss has broken down. This is awkward. I was a bit embarrassed, but it was beautiful, it was sweet. Henry Winkler had my back, and that made it easier. It quickly turned into a love fest.
Two months later, we all came back for reshoots, and everyone looked at me like I was going to cry again. I said no, I’m not going to do that again, you already saw that, you don’t have to see it again. Let’s pretend like nothing happened.
The big question of Barry is—can people change their nature? For me, the answer is yes. I’m finally becoming the director I always wanted to be. For characters, though, it’s better to leave the question open, and let the answer find itself. I’ll leave it unsaid what answer we came to in the end.
See Bill Hader in Barry season 4, now streaming on OSN+