25 Signs You're Having An (Early) Mid-Life Crisis
1 | You daydream about a simpler life as a carpenter in the Western Region. Even though you failed GCSE woodwork.
2 | You only watch Game of Thrones to give you something to talk about with the young people in the office.
3 | You regularly confuse good, friendly service from young shop assistants with overt flirting.
4 | You recently argued with your Mum about not pushing you enough to become a pro footballer.
5 | You keep telling people about obscure electronic acts you’ve discovered on Spotify but at home prefer Classic FM.
6 | You know the precise age of every celebrity and public figure over 40.
7 | You’ve written out a long list of oddly specific life goals, which includes learning chess and visiting Madagascar.
8 | You keep telling friends you’re about to enter Tough Mudder with the guys from work. And you’ve started using the word “guys”.
9 | You have a semi-regular pain in your side you’ve narrowed down to diabetes or cancer.
10 | You keep dropping phrases like ‘mashed’ when you’re with anyone under 30.
11 | You once got misty-eyed during a life insurance advert but blamed it on a sinus infection.
12 | You emailed a volunteering charity to put yourself up as a mentor, but are kind of hoping they don’t reply.
13 | You bought a garish pair of Nike Air Force Ones but can’t bring yourself to wear them out of the house.
14 | You recently used the phrase, “where does the time go?” while giving a wry smile and a headshake.
15 | You think every woman under 35 is gorgeous and curse your younger self for his ‘high’ standards.
16 | You’ve recently bought a gillet. One with multi-pockets.
17 | You’ve started reading the smallprint on those Shane Warne hair transplant adverts.
18 | You daydream about old girlfriends but can’t remember their surnames to look them up on Facebook.
19 | You mention social media to your boss so frequently he thinks you have Tourette’s syndrome.
20 | You raise your voice when describing a big night out to remind everyone in the office (and yourself) that you’ve still got it.
21 | You talk about giving up TV for good but last weekend fell asleep in front of Bein Sports’ football coverage.
22 | You seem to carry too much cash around “just in case”. And just like your Grandad.
23 | You get up at 7am on a Friday to ‘grab the weekend by the balls’, and also because your prostate’s been playing up.
24 | You’ve used the phrase, “because it’s just you and the road” when explaining your 18-month-old ‘passion’ for road cycling.
25 | You Googled ‘mid-life crisis’ and have ended up reading this article.
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Originally published on esquire.co.uk