It’s time I admit something: I like flowers. I’ve thought it through from top to bottom, and the facts are clear: they’re pretty, they smell nice, and it’s nice when things are pretty and smell nice. All of this is undeniable, allergies notwithstanding.
And here’s the kicker: I’d like people to give them to me, even on Valentine’s Day. Maybe even especially on Valentine’s Day.
Here’s the question I pose to you, dear reader: Why is it so weird for a man to receive flowers?
There’s been precious few times in my life when I have actually been gifted flowers, none of which came on the most romantic of days. As someone pointed out on Twitter, Valentine’s Day, is, of course, a made up holiday, as opposed to all the other holidays naturally occurring in the wild.
Yet still, it’s the day I find myself hoping to receive them. Most of the flowers I’ve gotten I ended up unable to throw out, instead letting them dry on the balcony before returning them inside for a free bit of potpourri.
I know, of course, this is not how things are supposed to go. After all, centuries of gender norms repeated to us since we are born that men are to give women flowers, histories have been written on the metaphorical nature of this gift, and advertisements have reinforced this in an effort to sell as many flowers as possible.
None of those flower companies are paying me to write this, I swear.
Do men want flowers on Valentine’s Day? A survey
In reaching out to men from across the UAE and beyond, I found that most seem as ready as I am to receive flowers, even from a partner. Some, however have hang ups about the idea, feeling that it threatens their masculinity in some way.
“Dried flowers are much more manly. I don’t necessarily think there’s a stigma, but when someone gives you a basket of flowers, for some reason that seems more masculine than a bouquet of flowers. If someone gave me a bouquet of flowers, I don’t think I’d be ok with that. I wouldn’t know what to do with them,” says Jono, a radio presenter in Dubai. “For some reason, when it’s in a basket, that seems ok.”
Receiving flowers in a romantic way wasn’t something John liked the idea of.
“I would probably not be ok with it. If someone rocked up with a bouquet of flowers, I would feel that that would be an insult to my masculinity. From someone who’s not very masculine, that is saying something,” he continues.
Ash, another Dubai resident, is rarely gifted flowers, instead often acting as if he’s buying them for his partner—when he is really buying them for himself.
“I love flowers. I love having them in the flat and regularly used to buy them for myself when I lived alone. Now I buy them frequently, ostensibly for my fiancée, but they’re for me too. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve ever been bought flowers!” says Ash.
Ahmed, an Emirati music producer, has never been gifted flowers, and believes it has something to do with men having to often hide their emotions due to cultural norms.
“They have an emotional weight. Men are expected not to care about that which is false,” says Ahmed.
Many men were as enthusiastic as I am, excited about the prospect of receiving flowers from a partner.
“Who doesn’t love to feel special and pampered? I say bring on the flowers. #menloveflowers,” says Ashwin.
Others weren’t, and had some awareness as to why.
“Never lol. I wouldn’t want to because of ‘fragile masculinity’,” says Saij.
Vince in Sharjah has a memory he particularly treasures.
“The only time I received flowers was from a person I barely knew in college. It was on my birthday. I’d been having a bad time. She pulled me aside and asked if I could help her pick out presents for a friend, made me pick flowers and pastries, then went ‘these are for you!’ It was nice,” says Vince.
Habib has a similar memory, though it wasn’t with a partner. He sent a male colleague flowers pretending to be a woman he had once met.
“I sent a guy flowers as a prank. Gave him flowers by mentioning a date seven years ago and saying thank you for the best evening, and I was waiting for him to realize what we had. Poor guy went through all social media networks, email, scoured the date. Contacted all his exes. Still doesn’t know it was from me, still, after four years,” says Habib in Dubai.
Habib doesn’t deserve to be sent flowers, so no one send him any. That was mean, Habib.
Some women I spoke to in the region have actually gifted their partners flowers, to decidedly mixed results.
“He was weirded out. He said, ‘why would I like flowers? I’m a guy.’ I took them back home with me,” says Elena.
Ellaf had a similar experience.
“He said, ‘why did you get me flowers, do I look sick?’”
Sara in Dubai gifted her partner flowers and while he loved the gesture, he then dealt with an onslaught of mockery from his coworkers.
“I sent a couple of bouquets to him when we were together. He really liked them but got made fun of by his colleagues at the same time for receiving flowers from his partner.”
For others, the experience was more positive. Laura says that she thinks gifting her partner flowers gave him a “life epiphany” about the prospect. Leslie said that when she gifted flowers to her partner, he “was surprised and noticeably touched.”
With results mostly positive, I think I can say for sure that I am not the only one. Try giving your partner flowers. Or, as a man, try telling your partner you’d like to receive them. The results are sure to be colourful.
Dan, however, made the best point that may sway me in the other direction.
“A nice-ish bouquet costs AED 500. You can get a bottle of something extremely special for that.”
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!
Buy me some flowers for Valentine’s day here.
