10 Things No Man Should Wear to the Gym
1 | Vibram five-fingers
Anything that looks this repulsive can’t be doing you any good, especially with the amphibious vibes that come with wearing neoprene shoes with individual toe spaces. Stick to a pair of running shoes, or consider exercising near a pond.
2 | Short-shorts
In the gym, short-shorts, rowing machines, and the cosmic force known as gravity can all convulse into a terrifying display of over-exposure. There’s no benefit to having your shorts skim the upper echelons of your thigh, so stick to something a bit less revealing for all our sakes.
3 | Old University Clothing
Whether you think being the vice-president of your university’s ultimate frisbee team is an accomplishment or not (clue: it’s not), nothing says you’re living in the past quite like showing off in the form of a tatty nylon hoodie.
4 | Bandanas (And Other Ridiculous Headwear)
A reminder that you’re at the Fitness First in Mirdiff, not a federal prison in L.A, and that bandanas, backwards caps and even the dreaded ribbed beanie have no place in this temple of sweat. You look like you have something to hide while also trying to draw attention to it.
5 | Big Headphones
There’s an inherant smugness in paying a fortune for over-the-head headphones then wearing them somewhere where mobility and excessive excercise are on the menu. Stick to in-ear buds for a little discretion.
6 | Anything That Enables You To Strap Tech To Your Arm
What is the benefit, you might ask, of strapping your iPod or iPhone to your arm? The answer: people who love their biceps get a kick out of having them on show. One of the formative rules of the gym is that nobody is as impressed with your physique as you are, so can the showmanship and clip your devices in your pocket.
7 | Excessive Neon
Any garish neon shade can be useful if you’re worried about being hit by an HGV lorry on an outdoor night jog, but in the gym, the chance of being mowed down is slim to none. The bikes are nailed down, for God’s sake, so stick to fabrics with non-reflective properties and stop giving people migraines.
8 | The Skimpy Singlet
It’s as simple as this: resembling an out-of-work WWE wrestler is not a strong look, especially if your workout involves twenty bicep curls followed by half an hour in the sauna.