21 things that no man should have in his home
1 | A half-finished multipack of toilet roll on the bathroom floor
Find a cupboard, pal.
2 | A moody picture of a New York skyline
Manhattan at sunset… Brooklyn in the snow… you’ve never actually been, have you?
3 | Assorted empty bottles of shampoo and shower gel
What, are you going to make Thunderbird island out of them one day?
4 | A guitar on a stand
Just makes guests nervous you’re going to start playing it.
5 | A bike in the corridor
Clambering around a crotch-height handlebar is a terrible introduction to anyone’s home.
6 | A weights bench / exercise bike / rowing machine
Unless you live in a mansion, you’ve just invested in the world’s most expensive clotheshorse. Join a gym.
7 | Beanbags
You’re not working at Google.
8 | A cactus
So afraid of responsibility, you’ve gone for the one plant you don’t have to water.
9 | A candle in an empty wine bottle
Unless you want your home to resemble a school production of Macbeth.
10 | A bad book collection
Sure, we all enjoyed Harry Potter once, but a bookshelf occupied by all seven volumes at your age is a bit creepy.
11 | A lava lamp
Come on. Even if it’s bought ironically, you look like a weirdo.
12 | Motivational posters
A picture of an eagle in the sky with the words ‘DREAM BIG’ underneath just puts your entry-level recruitment job into horribly harsh relief
13 | *That* impulsively bought Turkish rug
You thought it added a splash of culture to your place, now the Dhs25,000 dust magnet just sits in your lounge, caked in the various food and drink. Do everyone and favour and incinerate the thing.
14 | An extreme chilli sauce collection
We’d be impressed if they weren’t clearly all unopened.
15 | ANY kind of stuffed toy
If you think the giant Nemo you once won in a game of fairground Whack-a-Mole gives your bedroom some sort of impish charm, you are very much mistaken.
16 | Back issues of The Economist…
…in a pile, by the front door, still in their plastic.
17 | A row of Lonely Planet travel guides
C’mon, Phileas Fogg. We both know you’re not going back to Bucharest before that book needs replacing.
18 | Any kind of taxidermy
You think ‘fearless hunter’, she thinks ‘serial killer’.
19 | Reptilian pets
“Would you like to meet my iguana, Keith? He hasn’t been fed yet”. Words that worked for no man, ever.
20| School Medals
No-one cares that you won gold in the Under 9′s tug-o-war. And yes, the same goes for that certificate you’ve got on your fridge for coming 216th in the Nike 5k run.
21 | An excessively ornamental shisha pipe
Your flat shouldn’t resemble Marrakech in the sixties. A discreet one on the balcony is just fine.