The 11 best one-liners from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe
Every year for three weeks in August, the world’s best comedians show up in Edinburgh for the world’s largest arts festival. The Edinburgh Festival Fringe has always been a place from which great one-liners are born, with the television channel Dave awarding the ‘Joke King’ award to the joke with the most votes from festival goers.
This years award went to Darren Walsh, for the joke ”I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free”.
Here’s 11 more from the festival that we just couldn’t resist sending around the office.
“You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.”
“I used to think an ocean of soda existed, but it was just a Fanta sea.”
“There are very few people at the Fringe these days doing Roman-numeral jokes. I is one.”
“Surely every car is a people carrier?”
“If I could take just one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t go.”
“The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.”
“I never lie on my CV, because it creases it.”
“Let me tell you a little about myself. It’s a reflexive pronoun that means “me”.”
“They scoffed when I told them I’d one day learn the secret of invisibility. If they could only see me now.”
Magician Pete Firman
“As a child, I had an obsession with Posh Spice – it cost my mum a fortune in saffron.”
“I went to the bookshop and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She asked: “Hardback?” and I was like: “Yeah, and little heads.””