The best (and worst) beard styles

So, you want to grow a beard?
Are you looking to go the 'full James Harden'? Or something a little more Jeff Bridges-esque? A chin strap? (Please don't do that last one.) No matter your facial-hair proclivities, we've got you covered.
Are you looking to go the 'full James Harden'? Or something a little more Jeff Bridges-esque? A chin strap? (Please don't do that last one.) No matter your facial-hair proclivities, we've got you covered.
The Hemingway - A classic beard. It's thick, well-shaped and it shows the world that you have more than a few healthy follicles adorning your face. It's the beard of lumberjacks and fishermen, and, of course, of Papa himself. Just make sure to have solid coverage for this one. A patchy Hemmingway beard is much worse than no beard at all. And remember: it pairs best with flannel shirts and old, wooly fishermen sweaters.
The Hemingway - A classic beard. It's thick, well-shaped and it shows the world that you have more than a few healthy follicles adorning your face. It's the beard of lumberjacks and fishermen, and, of course, of Papa himself. Just make sure to have solid coverage for this one. A patchy Hemmingway beard is much worse than no beard at all. And remember: it pairs best with flannel shirts and old, wooly fishermen sweaters.
The Johnny Depp - Also known as the non-connecting mustache and goatee, this is a great look if you decide to lead a Communist revolution. Otherwise, it's probably a good idea to steer clear. It worked for a pre-shitshow '90s Johnny, but nowadays the risk of looking like an affected mixologist outweighs any potential rewards.
The Johnny Depp - Also known as the non-connecting mustache and goatee, this is a great look if you decide to lead a Communist revolution. Otherwise, it's probably a good idea to steer clear. It worked for a pre-shitshow '90s Johnny, but nowadays the risk of looking like an affected mixologist outweighs any potential rewards.
The overly prominent mustache - Growing a mustache that's more prominent than a beard, like Gael Garcia Bernal here, is a risky move, and one that should only be done if you're sure you have the chin to back it up. But it is a nice way to have a mustache without looking like a porn star or a news anchor.
The overly prominent mustache - Growing a mustache that's more prominent than a beard, like Gael Garcia Bernal here, is a risky move, and one that should only be done if you're sure you have the chin to back it up. But it is a nice way to have a mustache without looking like a porn star or a news anchor.
The overly prominent beard - On the other hand, unless you're an Imam or were really inspired by Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln, you shouldn't go the opposite direction and make the beard more prominent than the mustache. As LA Dodgers pitcher J.P Howell demonstrates here, it just doesn't look right without a pitchform and a flat-brim hat.
The overly prominent beard - On the other hand, unless you're an Imam or were really inspired by Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln, you shouldn't go the opposite direction and make the beard more prominent than the mustache. As LA Dodgers pitcher J.P Howell demonstrates here, it just doesn't look right without a pitchform and a flat-brim hat.
The Freud - Of all the many talents that Hugh Jackman has, the one he doesn't get enough recognition for is beard-growing capabilites. The man could offer a master class in how many styles of hair you can grow on your face. Like The Freud here, which is trimmed shorter on the sides and left fuller around the chin. This is good if you happen to have a really short face - or if you like talking to people while they lie next to you on a couch.
The Freud - Of all the many talents that Hugh Jackman has, the one he doesn't get enough recognition for is beard-growing capabilites. The man could offer a master class in how many styles of hair you can grow on your face. Like The Freud here, which is trimmed shorter on the sides and left fuller around the chin. This is good if you happen to have a really short face - or if you like talking to people while they lie next to you on a couch.
The old-timey villain - See? We told you. Jackman's a total beard artist. You can hardly even tell it's him. This is maybe not a recommended look for 99 percent of the male population, but if you have a propensity for tying up damsels on train tracks, this might be the beard for you.
The old-timey villain - See? We told you. Jackman's a total beard artist. You can hardly even tell it's him. This is maybe not a recommended look for 99 percent of the male population, but if you have a propensity for tying up damsels on train tracks, this might be the beard for you.
The old west goatee - The Dude unquestionably abides this beard setup. Just keep in mind that, like Jeff Bridges, you do have to be something of a badass to pull off this type of face fur. And it definitely helps to have a low and lazy drawl. If you have a knack for playing sad cowboy songs on the guitar, well...all the better.
The old west goatee - The Dude unquestionably abides this beard setup. Just keep in mind that, like Jeff Bridges, you do have to be something of a badass to pull off this type of face fur. And it definitely helps to have a low and lazy drawl. If you have a knack for playing sad cowboy songs on the guitar, well...all the better.
The ultra manicured goatee - For some guys, this might work. But you better be pretty highly clipped and polished to pull it off. And it will definitely help if you spend a lot of time in places like Monte Carlo wearing light-coloured linen suits. Otherwise, it might be time to reach for the razor.
The ultra manicured goatee - For some guys, this might work. But you better be pretty highly clipped and polished to pull it off. And it will definitely help if you spend a lot of time in places like Monte Carlo wearing light-coloured linen suits. Otherwise, it might be time to reach for the razor.
The not-fake, fake-looking beard - Basically, this is the Hemmingway, only so gloriously and terrifyingly thick that it almost doesn't look real. If you can grow a beard this thick, then by all means do it. Especially if you like being stared at. You'll find that people will become transfixed by its un-realness. Just be careful, though, because they may want to occasionally reach out and touch it.
The not-fake, fake-looking beard - Basically, this is the Hemmingway, only so gloriously and terrifyingly thick that it almost doesn't look real. If you can grow a beard this thick, then by all means do it. Especially if you like being stared at. You'll find that people will become transfixed by its un-realness. Just be careful, though, because they may want to occasionally reach out and touch it.
Are you looking to go the 'full James Harden'? Or something a little more Jeff Bridges-esque? A chin strap? (Please don't do that last one.) No matter your facial-hair proclivities, we've got you covered.
The Hemingway - A classic beard. It's thick, well-shaped and it shows the world that you have more than a few healthy follicles adorning your face. It's the beard of lumberjacks and fishermen, and, of course, of Papa himself. Just make sure to have solid coverage for this one. A patchy Hemmingway beard is much worse than no beard at all. And remember: it pairs best with flannel shirts and old, wooly fishermen sweaters.
The Johnny Depp - Also known as the non-connecting mustache and goatee, this is a great look if you decide to lead a Communist revolution. Otherwise, it's probably a good idea to steer clear. It worked for a pre-shitshow '90s Johnny, but nowadays the risk of looking like an affected mixologist outweighs any potential rewards.
The overly prominent mustache - Growing a mustache that's more prominent than a beard, like Gael Garcia Bernal here, is a risky move, and one that should only be done if you're sure you have the chin to back it up. But it is a nice way to have a mustache without looking like a porn star or a news anchor.
The overly prominent beard - On the other hand, unless you're an Imam or were really inspired by Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln, you shouldn't go the opposite direction and make the beard more prominent than the mustache. As LA Dodgers pitcher J.P Howell demonstrates here, it just doesn't look right without a pitchform and a flat-brim hat.
The Freud - Of all the many talents that Hugh Jackman has, the one he doesn't get enough recognition for is beard-growing capabilites. The man could offer a master class in how many styles of hair you can grow on your face. Like The Freud here, which is trimmed shorter on the sides and left fuller around the chin. This is good if you happen to have a really short face - or if you like talking to people while they lie next to you on a couch.
The old-timey villain - See? We told you. Jackman's a total beard artist. You can hardly even tell it's him. This is maybe not a recommended look for 99 percent of the male population, but if you have a propensity for tying up damsels on train tracks, this might be the beard for you.
The old west goatee - The Dude unquestionably abides this beard setup. Just keep in mind that, like Jeff Bridges, you do have to be something of a badass to pull off this type of face fur. And it definitely helps to have a low and lazy drawl. If you have a knack for playing sad cowboy songs on the guitar, well...all the better.
The ultra manicured goatee - For some guys, this might work. But you better be pretty highly clipped and polished to pull it off. And it will definitely help if you spend a lot of time in places like Monte Carlo wearing light-coloured linen suits. Otherwise, it might be time to reach for the razor.
The not-fake, fake-looking beard - Basically, this is the Hemmingway, only so gloriously and terrifyingly thick that it almost doesn't look real. If you can grow a beard this thick, then by all means do it. Especially if you like being stared at. You'll find that people will become transfixed by its un-realness. Just be careful, though, because they may want to occasionally reach out and touch it.
23August2016