Don’t be that guy who wears aftershave to the gym.
Under no circumstances can two men ever share the same umbrella.
Never buy a car at night.
A man wearing a fanny pack is 7/8th of a man.
Nobody cares about what you dreamt last night.
In a restaurant, local water is fine.
Never play cards with a man who wears a visor.
Wash your own car.
Your child is only 38 percent as cute as you think it is.
People who use the word "classy" aren't.
Never straighten another man’s tie.
The most expensive restaurant is rarely the best one.
No grunting at the gym.
A man never says the word Jorts, let alone wears them.
Never use text speak in an email.
Men who use emoticons are taken 70 percent less seriously.
People who say "I'm not a racist, but..." are about to be say something racist.
"Reply All" is a function rarely to be used.
The person who cooks never has to wash up.
Never explain how the trick is done.
Never cancel a date by text message.
You don't get to chose your own nickname.
Nobody ever complained that the speech was too short.
If you pay people the minimum, don't be surprised when they work the minimum.
There's no excuse for stealing someone’s cab.
In a cinema, turn off your phone and shut the hell up.
Don't trust a man who has a limp handshake.
Car horns are for warning people, not hurrying them up.
Never date a woman whose father calls her Princess.
The guy in the middle seat gets both the armrests.
Don't dawdle on the metro, subway or underground.
Never be late because you can't decide which shoes to wear.
Always be cautious of a man who wears a pinky ring.
The only thing worse than white jeans? Pink jeans.
The wink at a total stranger is impossible to pull-off successfully.
If people smell your aftershave before you come in the room, you're wearing too much.
If you live in the Middle East, don't whine about the heat.
Books are best read on paper
Sounds fit on the phone? add three stone.
Never date the barmaid at your local.
A man should be able to cook three things really well.
Unless you can really tell the difference, don't bother with expensive wines.
The best bars are never the ones where you have to queue to get in.
An hour with a personal trainer is worth three in a gym on your own.
A recent medical report has stated smoking shisha is '10 times more harmful than cigarettes'. So Esquire wants to know how often do you light the pipe?
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